13. May, 2022
Do you think they know they are going to die?
The last two weeks I just cannot shake the feeling that Liam somehow knew subconsciously that he was going to die young. He was forever singing "If I die young" and "Gone away". He had this almost unnatural interest to become a soldier - a marine. Nothing we said could change it mind.
About two weeks before Liam died, he came up to our bed around 01:00 am. I asked him if his legs pained with growing pains or did he have a nightmare. He told me he was just thinking the whole night that we sleep most of our life away. He felt he could do other things than sleep his 10 hours. It took some convincing to get him into our bed so he can cuddle with dad. I usually then go and sleep in his bed. He fell asleep almost immediately.
Two weeks before his death the universe certainly provided us with so many opportunities to spend as much time as possible with Liam. My hubby and Liam would go for walks at night even on a school night. They would play outside as late as they could see.
Liam and his dad spent a lot of time together to get the mancave occupancy ready and he wanted to do everything himself, but with company "so we can chat, Mom".
I got to get a lot of hugs at our Venterskroon Voortrekker camp even though their team lived in the bush mostly. He was always smiling and loved the idea of tracking animals etc. He was so excited and rambled off everything he learnt.
He wanted me and his dad to help him get the perfect outfit for Boss's Day. He was going to go as a mafia boss. He was made famous throughout school with that outfit and he was so proud of it. That evening he told us everything they did wearing their special outfits. Always sitting on the kitchen counter - the Liam Sit.
We had the best Commando camp I have ever attended and it was there that Liam really enjoyed himself. My hubby and Raine were not going to attend, but they joined us after a nasty fall at cycling on the Saturday. Franco has some extra time with Raine and Liam that weekend.
We played paw-paw hockey, we made little flags that could pull up and we painted a lot of special message rocks. We had a wonderful shave party and Liam learnt to shoot a real gun. He was so in his element. He was enjoying himself so much you could she the fun through every cell of his being. he even rode his broom all over the camp grounds, putting a smile on everyone's face - like Liam always liked to do.
That Sunday morning Liam was elected the Junior Youth Leader. He went: "Yes!" with the fist and all. He stood proudly next to his team mate as they were awarded their badges. His first job as leader was to hold the torch so we could initiate every new Voortrekker. The flame kept being blown out. Was it the universe telling us that his flame will be extinguished soon?
After the camp he wanted to go buy ice cream for milkshakes (which he never made). We spent about an hour and a half together just chatting. He hardly took a breath to get everything out. Almost like he knew he had a short time to say everything he wanted to say.
That Sunday afternoon, we all dressed in our Sunday bests and Liam dressed especially well. we were going to celebrate his election as youth leader with lunch. Liam ordered the biggest lunch ever and nearly finished it off, smiling all the time. We have a photo of them together for the last time.
That Monday, we decided to go watch the new James Bond movie with a friend and as a family. On a school night! Raine's tool bag was stolen out of the car and we had a late night. On the drive home, Liam fell asleep for the last time on my lap, snoring away.
The day he died, he was awarded the youth leader badges at school as well. He could not have been more proud of himself. He especially liked to teach the little ones about Voortrekkers. We have a last photograph of him receiving his awards.
I got a last "Love you and see you this afternoon" in the morning. He gave me a wink. I never saw him alive again.
The last footage we have is him playing with his dad Star Wars with all my broomsticks (he cut them all off). After he played with his dad, giving him a Liam hug, he hopped, skipped and jumped to the deck, grabbed the murderous rope and went to the forest. You see the gate open and close.
Then he was gone...
I wonder did he ever know, his life would be short.
I remember Franco telling me when Liam was about two years old: "This one is going to give us so much heartache." How true!
But not his fault.