I started journaling many, many years ago and then the Bullet Journal fad also started so I am also doing that.

I got the idea for a healing journal from my middle sister who started one for me in New Zealand. She also has one for her loss. Then my husband conspired with the family to have a handmade one made for me.

It comprises of the following sections every month:

- The poem that Liam's cousin wrote - Remember me

- Space to just spew my guts out called Daily Journal

- My coping plan - circle of support, what I need, healthy outlets, coping skills, promises to myself and my distractions

- My favourite memories

- My healing Goals

- My stages of grief, because you have them all the time

- One day at a time - how I am currently feeling, the day's highlights, having a hard time with, missing the most, grateful today, summary of the day and what made me feel better

- Ritual Planner

Somedays I am so tired I do not get to write in my journal. That frustrates me, as I feel it helps to get the bottled up feelings off my chest. Sometimes it is really ugle wild words jumping back at me.

I have another journal where I write letters to Liam as if he is sitting with Jesus and he is telling him everything I am writing. It helps me a bit to connect to God, as I feel really disconnected. The Lord's voice is silent to me now. So it is almost like writing prayers to Jesus.

Then I have this blog where I share a little bit of the heartache, the cruelty of missing your child who died way too soon. I hope it can one day help someone else a little bit. But for now I am happy that it is helping me to get my frustrations, feelings and anxieties out. Somedays what I write is not pretty and it is raw.