On 19 October 2021, I dropped of my second born aged 13 and 2 weeks off at school. Before he puts his mask on, I hugged him and told him I love him. He hugged me back and said the same. Before he got out of the car he winked at me like always. Today was going to be a special day for him at school.

He was just made "Head Boy"of the Afrikaans-type of scouts called the Voortrekkers. He was going to show everyone his badges and certificates. The photos sent by the teacher was filled with self-pride. You could see the pleasure in his eyes, even whilst wearing a mask.

I got home after work, just stopping to get some sandwiches for breakfast the next morning. The children's favourite - chicken mayo. I started putting the pot for spaghetti bolognaise on the stove and noticed that a typical Highveld storm was brewing. There was going to be thunder and lightning. I asked my eldest to call his brother as I was afraid of the "forest" trees and the mountain we live against getting it by lightning.

My eldest went down to the forest and not even five minutes later he ran upstairs and told my husband and I to call the paramedics. He was ash white. Both my husband and I ran down to the forest and we found Liam already dead. He was ice cold and blue. He had this huge bump on his forehead with a laceration in the middle of it. There was a rope around his neck and you could see the pressure marks of the rope on the one side of his neck.

We immediately started CPR, but I checked Liam's pupils and told him that Liam is brain dead. He yelled at me to continue. As I blew air into his lungs, blood would bubble out of his nose and he made a gurgling sound.

But we both knew Liam went to heaven way before we got to him. Notwithstanding my husband and my nice continued CPR until the paramedics came 45 minutes later. But they pronounced him dead.

I was standing on the deck yelling Liam's name over the forest, when the paramedics walked up to me and I knew, I knew my baby was gone.

I have never felt so alone, cold, wet and utterly powerless in my life. There is nothing you can change about death.

My ray of sunshine was gone...