8. Apr, 2022
From dark to grey
It has been a week from hell and then it started to get better as the week progressed. It really felt if something dark and sinister was stuck amidst our family.
My hubby was going a difficult time and my son as well. They were not getting along and in typical man style clamped shut to each other. Luckily my hubby was invited to spend three days with his best friend from London on a road trip. He came back a different and relaxed person. Now the two boys are connected again.
On Monday evening we rushed granddad to hospital. He fell and could not get up. Earlier in the day he had a car accident and in February he had a heart valve replacement. And boy, was he yellow! Yellow means liver right? When they at long last admitted him, the diagnosis was Severe Pneumonia and he was immediately admitted to the ICU. He is still there. You can also just visit for one hour a day... We are very worried, he is already 78.
I had an urgent doctor's appointment with the Pulmonologist as my CT scan showed pulmonary calcification. Got to the doctor and the prognosis for once was good news. My lung diffusion has increased by 5%. He did put me on nebs for six months. But my lungs are better. I am still coughing though.
We started our table community up again (eating dinner at a table) and I have taken over the table prayer. No more nursery rhymes, real from the heart prayer. It is due to prayer over my hubby and my son that the week started getting better.
Hopefully this weekend I can pray in each room and each entrance way and see if I can get the stronghold over the house to give over to God. I really do believe in the power of prayer.
The only real heartsore thing that made gasp for air, was to send the invite out for the celebration of life event we are holding for Liam's six month's anniversary. I look at the photos of last year and I still cannot get to grips that he is gone. He should be here, enjoying his last year of primary school. The other very difficult thing I did was pay for his place in the Wall of Remembrance. Now just waiting for the gravestone and then a portion of our boy will be placed behind one of his beloved places - Die Klipkerk. It is impossible to imagine that my little boy has returned to ashes...
But day by day, breath by breath I am holding on. My sister keeps on telling me just hold on. To what? Maybe everything. So I am holding on.
Another first is coming up next week - Easter. No more easter egg hunts with an excited, jumping jack and screams and laughter... "Liam, inside voice, please." I do not know how we will spend it. The same traditions as always or are we going to spend it differently? It tenses me up to think of all the firsts to come this year. And then, then wondering what if he lived, how would he have been at 15, 16, 17 ,18....21....30....40.
I know - perfect.