31. Mar, 2022
Life goes on!
The last week I was confronted to look away from myself to rather look at others in need. It is also the topic of this week's Lent journey. But a few instances of compassion hit me directly in the face. It is good for my soul to look away from my sorrow, sadness and madness.
My young friend looked after all our animals, while we were away for the weekend. On Sunday evening, it became late for her to drive home (she is still a bit scared to drive alone at night). So I offered that she sleeps over. She was so grateful. It made my heart warm.
My friend's home was burgled and her daughter's camp stuff was stolen while on camp. So I had to ask how they were doing with the whole feeling of invasion.
And the last two days, I also realised I have another young man who still needs me. He needs me to nurture him when he is feeling down, he needs me to motivate him when he can't get started with studies and he needs me to love him unconditionally. Even though he does not understand feelings and emotions, he still feels them strongly. Now feelings and emotions, those two are my game! I am GOOD AT IT.
I am angry though! My son needs me and I cannot help him. I can only listen... He is getting the assistance at his fabulous school. They are helping us. We can't help him, because at the moment we can't even help ourselves. And we have never been trained to deal with an Asperger's child/adult.
I am angry as well, because I cannot help my dead child anymore either...
The helplessness is all consuming and tiresome. So we ask for your thoughts and prayers. because those keep us upright.
Another topic is conversations and connectedness. People are all of a sudden not talking to us anymore and they are avoiding is and the topic of Liam as if it the plague. I want you to talk to me. Talk to me about Liam and your memories of him. I cannot promise that I will not cry, because I miss him and I am sad about losing him - just like you. But you know what? I feel better when I had a good cry with a friend or a family member. Don't push us away, we still need you.
Liam was here and he touched us all in some way. It is good to remember that he came to fulfill his purpose and it has been completed. We should be thankful for the teachings that he brought, even though he was only 13. He taught me a lot and I have to honour those teachings and try and incorporate it into my life, so it is not in vain.