4. Mar, 2022
No more pity party
Yesterday was the lowest I have felt since the day Liam died. Yesterday my boss had to send me home and I was so embarrassed - I am not strong enough. Liam would have been angry at me for giving up. He never gave up, he always persevered. He always stood up.
Yesterday the detective came to see me to take my statement 4 months after Liam died. I had a lot of people praying for me and I could do it. I had enough energy to go through that day in detail again and I could answer all his difficult questions. One of them: "Mrs. Pretorius do you think that Liam committed suicide?" NO!!!!!!!! He would never do that.
This morning I got up and decided no more pity party. It is time I get out of this hole, because it is sucking me in and making my family unhappy. It is drowning me. So I asked what would Liam do? Liam would have gotten up and get on with enjoying life. He saw it always as a gift and only thought of today and what he could do today. And did he enjoy each day - resounding YES!
I am also listening to my councellor and my sister - avoid triggers as far as possible, so that you can conserve energy to carry on with now whilst still being sad and missing my beautiful boy. I have a lot of first's coming up - Easter, Mother's Day and Father's Day and then Franco and Liam's birthday. I need to still have a happy life my two living members of my household. And how I love them, I can still make a difference in their lives. So I will be starting to apply some of Liam's life lessons he came to teach us.
So as one of my tasks to conserve energy, I will only doing the blog once a week. And yes I will talk about the difficult stuff, but I need to look at it as a learning experience. My councellor will also teach me how to handle the difficult times so that I do not spiral again.
The whole day I have been reminding myself that I am still loving Liam, but I need to see the beautiful things in the world as he would have seen it. I already noticed that my mood improved, but the pain in my back is less.
Have a good weekend and look for the pretty and special moments in your life!