24. Feb, 2022
Friends
I have not written in a few days. I have been trying to process some hard feelings on Liam's 4 month's anniversary. On Saturday it was the 19th again, I decided to live the day in denial. It was good for me to just get up late and watch TV the whole day. I also just read a bit and played with Lillie, our little Yorkie.
Sunday my hubby and Raine went white river rafting (learning to live again). Because of my surgery in my fingers I could not go, but waited for them at base camp. I read my book, sat in the sun to catch a bit of Vitamin D (good for sadness) and I even caught a catnap. We went to have a lovely lunch and we were bushed when we got home. I only managed to light Liam's Companion candle (the beige one). Lights out from there.
Tuesday I had a good day, relatively speaking. I got three cups out instead of four, I got to work without crying. I was bushed because we worked until after 20:00 on Monday night. I had a lovely evening with hubby and Raine. I also did not have a nightmare again of Liam's lifeless body. I did feel guilty for having a good day, and then I just gently reminded myself that Liam would want us to have many good days. I was very sad though when I read Nightbirde passed away. She has been such an inspiration to me since AGT, but even more after Liam died.
She has a wonderful video on her Facebook site where she explains how sorrow and grief work. Like always she is spot on. I actually do believe that she to is an angel sent down to heaven to teach us how to suffer and lament. My favourite quote of hers is where she said you meet God on the bathroom floor. That really inspires me to keep at my faith. God will be there in my darkest hours, even the ones to come. I must confess that God has been with me these 17 weeks, because I got up everyday, got dressed, got to work and looked after my family. I even enjoyed some fun days. I would never have been able to do that with just my little human strength. When your child dies, you have no energy and no power. So He must have blown energy into me to get through my days as well as grieve.
I have so many people praying and thinking of us and that must come from God. We have made some really true friends through all of this. Friends for life! My sister calls them angels with human skin. They just listen to me talk about Liam's death over and over, they listen and they do not try and fix or make it better. They are just there.
To the people in our lives, I thank you. Thank you for just being you, your true selves.