17. Feb, 2022

Afraid

My hubby is away on business for two days and will only be back late tomorrow. I am scared out of my mind...

I have been home alone by myself and I have had no fears before. But now I am so very scared - of what? Raine is here and he is so well trained in an emergency, he has had a lot of experience in his life.

I am afraid to sleep alone tonight, because my little sleeping buddy is in heaven. Liam would always curl up with me in bed and while I read, he would fall asleep. I remember staring at his peaceful face, he looked like an angel always. But he snored, very badly, even for such a small boy.

Tonight I am sleeping alone. I can't ask my 18 year old to sleep with me, that is just weird for both of us. I am afraid to be alone tonight, another first without Liam. So much change and loneliness and missing... It is so unbearable. I want my little boy back. I can't understand why my child had to be taken.

I am so scared, but not of death, of loneliness and missing so much, it's so intense.

I am going to wish this night away.