11. Feb, 2022
Up and down the roller coaster
Today I am at a much better place than the past two days. I had so many people praying for me, which led to a wonderful restful night. Today the sun actually shone for me.
I am still so very sore with longing and missing - his personality, his huge presence, his dry humor and his tenderness. This pain does not diminish over time but grows and grows. This is the new pain, the morphed pain that I have to get used to for years to come. The shock and horror have been replaced with this feeling of stillness and emptiness. An understanding that there is a spot open in our future family photographs.
I will NOT give up, I might stop for a day or two every now and then just to mourn, to feel the loss and to remember.
Then life can go on until I need to stop and catch my breath, because you can't get fit for this race. This race you are always falling short of energy and breath. But I will trust in my Lord, even though He is a bit silent. But I think I am supposed to wait and when the time is right He will reveal Himself to me again. TRUST!
Difficult to do though...