6. Feb, 2022
People are sent to you at the right time
I have had a few days off to rest my hands after my operation, but I also had to find things to do without my hands. It was extremely difficult! Luckily before the operation I already made some dates with some friends and my husband.
My husband and I booked tickets last year already to go watch Francois Van Coke at Die Blou Hond in Pretoria. I was still full of anesthetics and I had real hard time staying awake at a Francois-show. The bits that I was awake was amazing and I saw joy cross my husband's face as he sang a long to some of the songs. It made me happy, just to see some joy return to him.
Yesterday I was spoiled with a wonderful back massage and a pedicure by one of my angel friends. She unknotted knots in my shoulders that I thought would never be unknotted. She talked with me and she cried with me. She got angry with me and she lifted a large weight from my being.
Then one of my primary school friends came to visit. I have known her for more than 30 years and we talked like those years in between never happened. We talked the people we loved who we has to say goodbye to, the angels in our lives. I showed her Liam's sketches and we visited his cross in his garden. It was wonderful to talk to someone who could relate so deeply with what I am feeling. She is such a joyful, happy person despite the many losses she had in her life. She gave me hope that my joy could return someday. But now we just grief.
The last 3 months have taught me the importance of connectedness. God, I suppose, bring people into your life to help you through your journey. Some of these people stay connected with you for a lifetime and some just for a short time. But I have learnt to listen and learn, because people do not cross your life by chance but rather through destiny. I really appreciate all now and I try and see Jesus in everyone (even when I am mad at Him).
Last night during loadshedding I was alone for the first time since Liam died. So I lit Liam's bravery candle and waited out the loadshedding. It was hard to be still and silent just with Liam's ashes in the dark alone. But I thought I would be so scared, but I wasn't. It was calming. I had some alone time with my special boy and his special memories.
Today I am with the two living men in my life and after last night I really appreciate their uniqueness today. They make me smile. Our lives will NEVER be the same. The new "normal" will always have an empty space, but I feel I have the courage to try and live life like Liam by bringing joy to others and appreciate all moments. I miss to see it through Liam's life, but I can remember!