What is causing the sadness?

Nothing, I am just very sad today and I am missing that wonderous creature - my Liam. My hubby and I are really going through a really sad patch. You just look at us funny, then we will burst out crying.

I am exhausted to try and hold on, but all I want to do is let go. Let this world just drop away. 

All the Forever parents that we know, tells us the pain will never go away but will become less sharp as the years progress.

I just feel like we do not fit into this world anymore. Nothing we do and experience feel normal. It will never be normal. We must live in this "new" normal.

I want my old normal back - thank you. 

I want our fairytale to come back. My hubby and I are high school sweethearts. With both Raine and Liam we had to work harder than other parents to kee them alive from their first heartbeat in my womb.

They both had their own unique developmental challenges, but boy, these two boys of mine have personalities bigger than this world.

Liam wanted so badly to change the world, make it better and joyful with his wit and personality. Raine wants to fix every process that can be controlled with technology.

But our choice and plan in this world are not controlled by us. It is controlled somewhere else. There where Liam now walks. I really, really want to go there - NOW!